


Frog Song

by Nautilusopus



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Animal Transformation, Canon Compliant, Frogs, Gen, Magical Realism, Mid-Canon, Unbeta'd, hush i know it's largely an urban myth before you start, nanaki has a soft mouth like a retriever this is canon now, speculative biology, toad licking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21835081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nautilusopus/pseuds/Nautilusopus
Summary: A mishap in the Gongagan jungle leads to everyone biting off a bit more than they can chew. In Nanaki's case, almost literally.
Comments: 34
Kudos: 86
Collections: Umbrella & Nailbat | Recs





	Frog Song

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this thing in all of an hour as a warm-up to get back into the swing of things as a joke, except then it turned out good. Sorry about the lack of updates in general, but I do feel like I've finally gotten back on the horse and intend to have a new chapter up in the next week or so. 
> 
> In the meantime here's an unusually long shitpost.

"Get him!"

"I got him -- wait -- shit -- !"

"He's getting away!"

"I'm trying, he's like four inches long!" Nanaki heard a squelching noise, followed by a loud thud as Yuffie landed face-first in the mud ahead of him after a failed dive tackle.

"Don't smash him!" called Aeris from somewhere behind Nanaki.

"It's not like he's making this easy," grumbled Yuffie. "He's holed up inside that log. Someone's gonna have to grab him from the other side." She spat a bit of grit out before wiping her hands off on her pants. "I knew he was a moron but this is a new low."

This was one of the less dignified things Nanaki had done with Avalanche, he decided, as he sniffed the log Cloud had hidden himself inside curiously. It had been only five minutes ago that they'd been fighting off some manner of carnivorous plant in the Gongagan rainforest, and only two minutes ago that their illustrious leader had gotten himself blindsided by the local wildlife the second Tifa had turned her back to help the remains of another monster they'd killed off Barret's leg.

Nanaki had barely gotten enough time to register what had happened, and that Cloud made a rather nice looking frog, with bright blue spots mixing with mottled brown and green, before the latter had let out a trill of alarm and began scampering off into the undergrowth.

They could still hear him in there now, giving off warning peeps. Nanaki had never personally spent any time as a frog, but from what Aeris had told him, it was quite difficult to go on thinking with a frog-sized brain. Cloud still likely knew who they were, but couldn't connect that with the fact that they were trying to help him, and that running away from his friends that were just trying to pick him up wasn't going to get him changed back any faster.

Or maybe he'd gotten distracted by a particularly juicy-looking cricket and would rather have a quick snack first. Aeris said that could happen too.

Yuffie was already on her hands and knees in front of the fallen log, reaching her hand inside as far as it would go. From the other side, he saw Cloud awkwardly crawl his way towards only open entrance -- and into Nanaki's waiting mouth.

Cloud immediately began squirming, and it took everything Nanaki had to avoid biting down more firmly to secure what his instincts were now labeling as "prey" without also dropping him. The taste certainly wasn't helping any -- Cloud was unbelievably bitter as a frog. He was all too happy to relinquish him into Aeris's waiting hands so he could begin attempting to lick the taste off onto a nearby rock.

"We're trying to help, idiot," sighed Aeris, as Cloud continued trying to wiggle his way out of her grip. "...Does anyone know where Cait Sith went? He's technically not 'injured', so healing him isn't working. I think he's got the transformative materia on him..."

"I believe he's still scouting ahead with Barret and Tifa," said Nanaki. There was something specific they were doing, too -- was it looking for the town? Or -- no, they had already found it. So... why were they here? Maybe it was a trap. A Shinra trap. That must have been why it was so warm...

"I don't feel well," said Nanaki.

"You did have a frog in your mouth," said Yuffie. "Maybe he jumped in something gross. Aeris, you can fix poison, right?"

Nanaki looked at Aeris. Aeris looked back, her pupils blown. She did not reply, and instead slowly reached for Nanaki's head and offered him a brief scratch.

"Your fur's so nice," she muttered, transfixed.

It was? Perhaps it was. Nanaki hadn't appreciated how nice the jungle had looked before, either -- the plants and the sounds around him bright and glimmering and sizzling faintly, along with the rest of his vision, like static on a screen.

"Oh," said Nanaki, and sat down to appreciate it better.

"Uh... guys?" said Yuffie, glancing between the two of them with her big, pretty eyes. Yuffie snatched Cloud away from Aeris with a gloved hand as the latter relinquished her grip. The bright blue spots on Cloud's back were dancing in the air around him as well. It was too beautiful for words.

Nanaki threw back his head and howled. Aeris stared at him even harder.

"There you are!" said another voice. Tifa. He was glad she was here to see all these wonderful sounds. "What's going on? I heard shouting, is anyone -- ?"

"They just -- I dunno, see for yourself," said Yuffie, gesturing at himself and Aeris. Aeris turned and blinked owlishly at Tifa. Her eyes were completely black now, the pupils bigger than the whole of her eyes. "Maybe they got hit with some spell or something, and we just didn't notice while we were trying to deal with Cloud."

"...Where is Cloud, anyway?"

Yuffie held up the struggling frog in response, and before she could get a word in Tifa immediately snapped, "Drop that right now."

"Hell no," said Yuffie. "Do you know how hard it was to catch him?"

"Alright -- just -- look, the markings. That's a Nibel wood frog."

"Yeah," said Yuffie, unimpressed. "It's also Cloud. Makes sense he'd turn into one that's from Nibel, right?"

It _was_ Cloud! Cloud had made so many nice blue spots appear in the air for him, because Cloud was just nice like that. Nanaki howled again.

"Not the point," said Tifa. "He's poisonous."

Yuffie immediately lifted her hand with a yelp before Tifa clamped her own gloved hands down on top of him before Cloud could hop away.

"Nanaki got a mouthful," she said quickly. "And Aeris -- she was holding him before me, are they gonna be okay? Are they dying? Shit, they're dying aren't they, Aeris has been really quiet, do you think it's 'cause she can't breathe, or --?!"

"They'll live," said Tifa, "but they're gonna feel like garbage soon, and they're... known to have psychoactive effects." She cleared her throat delicately.

"What you mean is they're high as balls right now."

"Fine, yes. Look, let's just get him back to Cait Sith."

"You did this, then, asshole?" grumbled Yuffie at the struggling frog Tifa was still holding, before dumping most of the water out of her canister so he could be deposited inside. The water streamed out with a musical tinkling that had Nanaki howling again, because he had to stop hearing it, and that was _awful_ , he didn't think he could stand not hearing it again --

Except then he did hear it again, as the water remaining inside the canister sloshed again, spilling silvery light into the air around them along with the bad television screen and the blue and all the pretty, pretty plants in the jungle.

And then Tifa hefted him around his middle and he was flying, and it was amazing. Everything was so amazing. The world was so beautiful.

Nanaki howled again, right in Tifa's ear. Tifa winced.

* * *

A furiously red Cloud was sitting at their campsite in the clearing, watching Nanaki lie on his back with his legs in the air, snapping his jaws at something invisible. Aeris hadn't stopped staring at him the entire time since he'd been restored, pupils still dilated. Tifa had volunteered to hang back and keep an eye on everyone while Cait Sith went ahead on reconnaissance -- something she normally hated doing, since she generally liked to keep busy, but the entertainment value was more than making up for the lack of anything to do.

"You were a frog," said Aeris somberly to Cloud, as Tifa returned from cooking lunch. "And then you were a man. Just think about it."

"I am," he replied for the thirtieth time, "I"m thinking real hard about it, I promise."

Behind him, Yuffie snorted. "How's babysitting going?"

"Stellar," he muttered. "How soon 'til they start throwing up? I'm getting tired of being asked --"

"Are you an alien?" inquired Aeris. Again.

"Sure," said Cloud. "Sure, why not. I'm an alien."

"I knew it," she whispered to herself. "He was a frog first." Then she went back to staring.

"Think of it as penance," said Tifa, setting down a couple plates of some sort of root that might not have been a potato, but seemed close enough in taste and texture anyway, and a plateful of berries Nanaki had declared non-poisonous. "This is technically your fault."

"Yeah, yeah," said Cloud tiredly. "How was I supposed to know?"

"Just think about it," she heard Yuffie saying, "maybe an hour as a frog each day and we'd be rolling in gil. I'd split the profits with you!"

"It's weird," said Cloud uncomfortably. "You're not the one that has to do it. And -- I'm sure there's gotta be some law against selling my... I dunno, spit? Sweat? I don't know what it is, but --"

"You're the leader of Avalanche and you're worried about doing something against the law?" said Yuffie incredulously. "Come on, it's not like --"

"Interesting conversation you've got going on here." said Tifa. "Something we should know about?"

"No," said Yuffie quickly, before stuffing her mouth full of not-potato and remaining silent for a good thirty seconds, which had to have been a record.

Cloud picked at his food instead.

"Not hungry?" said Tifa.

"I -- um," Cloud began. "I might've -- had something to eat before."

Yuffie snorted. "He found a bunch of slugs under a rock before we managed to corner him."

Tifa stared at him. Cloud somehow managed to go even redder.

"I was hungry," he objected weakly. Tifa shook her head.

"Disgusting," said Yuffie. "Nasty as hell."

"Revolting," Tifa added.

Nanaki howled again and rolled over on his stomach.

"They were kinda good, actually," he added, more to himself, before seemingly realising what he'd just said and burying his face in his hands. "No. Fuck. Both of you shut up, I swear --"

"You're a very pretty frog," said Nanaki faintly. "I liked the blue."

"...Thanks," he said shortly. Although, from the way his gaze went distant, Tifa thought that perhaps he'd actually meant it.

**Author's Note:**

> Frogs do not make a single noise that is dignified, that's science babey!!!!!!


End file.
